A Dreamer's Season: Part Three

PART III:
My search for my Granddad was futile as my mother curtly informed me that he was died, and I hadn’t even been invited to the funeral, and no one told me because they all assumed I knew. I went back to the doctor, he sent me to a sleep specialist but that availed nothing. And Calvin still hadn’t come home and it had been a week! My life was falling apart at the seams, pulse I had just had my review at work for this quarterly and I had not done well.
I just did not know where to turn, so I drank and drank to cover up the guilt and the hopelessness. I end-up getting myself fired at work. But I would not stop drinking to make the dreams go away and sometimes even then I would dream. It was on one such occasion that I fell asleep and I dreamt again.

I stood under the blazing hot sun and I whipped away the sweat from my forehead. I knelt down in the sandy dirt and I held a hammer high over my head and was about to nail down when I looked at the hand underneath the nail, I looked up his arm and into the ugliest face ever. Flash was missing and burses and blood covered the pieces that remained.
I looked into the man’s small beady eyes they were coal black and nearly swollen shut by the beating he had received. Those eyes priced me and I faltered, I dropped the hammer. Someone yells at me but I did not care, my gaze was fixed on the man. Someone shoved the hammer back into my hands and yelled at me to get to work. I looked at the hand under the nail again and I think I have seen those small hands before. Someone shoves me to my knees. I pick up the nail again and put it in the palm of the hand and with shaking arms I hammer down.
Ahhh! Blood spares at me and I am momentarily blinded. The man grins his teeth, I pick up the hammer again, that I had dropped in my fright and I hit it again, driving the nail clear through his hand. I cry out in discussed. I look at the hand now nailed into the wood and I dropped to my knees; a passbyer rubs my head and says something about ‘first-timer.’ Then a solder roughly grabs me and pulls me to my feet and we walk around the top half of the wooden structure. The solder pushes me down on the other side and I have to nail this hand as well. But I do not want to. I make quick of it and then the guilt I feel begins to build!
I have done again, how could I? I feel worse then I have ever felt before. I watch as they raise the man up who is hanging to what looks like a cross. I feel sick, how could they have done that to him? The beating and now this, hang him on a cross? I stand up and yell out at them, “How could you do this to this man? How cruel!” the solders turn laugh at me,
“Guilty conscience, kid? Pray to him maybe he’ll forgive you!” he laughs again, “’sides you’ve the one who did this to him anyways!” I am stunned, I did this? I cannot believe it!
They all laugh and grab some cloth, I look up the man but the site of him is unbearable. I look at the solders as they wait for him to die. They form a circle close to the cross and start playing a game. They call me over and I play with them, we divide up the cloth as the people win. I get a small garment and I asked where it was from. “The king of the Jews,” one said in a mocking voice as he pointed to the man on the cross. I stood up and threw down the cloth and ran.

I was painting as though I had really run; I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of strong wine that was waiting for me. I had a feeling these were just ordinary dreams. What was going on?
I looked around my room, I was alone, I was so sick of being alone. I grabbed my phone and called Calvin. He answered on the fifth ring, “What?” he said half asleep and annoyed.
“Calvin, it’s me.” I said weakly, I hear him sigh heavily.
“Look Zoey, I don’t know,” he sighs again.
“No please just listen,” I plead,
“I’m listening,” he answers
“Please come home,” I bag “I miss you.”
“Zoey I have been waiting over two weeks for you to call and now you call in the middle of the night!” he says angrily.
“I know it’s just that, the dreams...and well...”
“It has nothing to do with the dream, it’s you” tears spring to my eyes, I annoyed with myself I never cry! Not when we fight, but I cannot help it. “You're so aragonite, I just don’t want to live with you anymore, and everything always about you,” we have been down this road before, many times, but this time was different somehow.
“Calvin please, I’m, I’m...sorry,” silence, it stretches on and still he says nothing, “Calvin?” I look at the screen as the minutes still count up, “Hello? Are you there?” he lets out the air he’s been holding in.
“What did you say?” he asks.
“I said, well I said that I was sorry.” I say humbly.
“I...I don’t know what to say. You’re never once said sorry for anything, ever! In our whole relationship! I...I...wow, I really don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything, just come home...I miss you.” I quietly pled.
“Ok I will,” he hangs up and not ever ten minutes later I hear the key in the door, I am surprised. He walks in and puts the keys down and comes and sits on the edge of the bed, and just stares at me.
“Doesn’t it take 20 minutes to get from your brother’s house?” I ask
“Normally,” he answers with a grin on his face, “But I speed,”
“Calvin!” I laugh,
“Do you really mean it?” he asks
“Mean what?” I ask, “That I’m sorry? Yeah I mean, it’s not like I’m perfect or anything.” His face jaw slackens,
“What? What happened to you? Is this the same Zoey I left two weeks ago? Honestly? Zoey? Admitting that she’s not perfect? Since when? And what other changes have you gone through? Did you get a tattoo or something?” I smile, I can see that he is not quite convinced, like the old Zoey might jump out at any moment and defend herself, but I cannot, I do not have that in me anymore. He gives me a kiss and I feel much better, some of the guilt is gone. And I think we’ll be alright, I’m just happy he is home.

END OF PART III



Picture can be found at:
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